This post is utterly random and you're free to skip it.
I’m glum. Glum glum glum glum glum. My V semester results came out today and I’m not happy. I slacked off last semester, when in fact I could have scored much better. What does it even require? A little hard work? A little less sleep? People say that marks don’t really matter later but well they do right now. I’ve always been a slacker. Like, even being here is almost sacrilegious right now. I have assignments, projects, tests and a million things to do. My paper got selected for this conference (I don’t know how) and I have zilch motivation to work for it. Zip. Not even an ounce of enthusiasm. Why? Why am I so…. disinterested and lazy? :\
Even the weather was in sync with my mood. There was absolutely no sunshine the whole day and it got so cloudy and cold we were actually shivering in class. And I was zoning in and out during the lectures. I looked out the window all day, looking at the leaves falling off trees against the red brick wall of the library. It looked pretty. Well, I just came home and let my tear glands do their business. Plop, slosh, sniff, plop. And then I slept after whining and berating myself for well over an hour. It didn’t help. But you know what did help? Calvin and Hobbes! It always comes as a surprise to me how much they crack me up. I read it and I feel like the world is not a scary place, it’s a silly, funny, warm and fuzzy place, you know? Life is so much better when you add a little humour into it. Don't you feel better when somebody makes you burst out laughing when you're crying more than sympathising with you? I want to be the innocent, drawing, painting, voice-recording, random-videos-making, house-playing, Contra-Mario-Toy Story-The Lion King addicted kid again! Waaahaaahaaaa!
For dinner I made parathas for myself. Yes, you heard me. Believe it baby! And they were eatable. And I used sarson ka tel (mustard oil) to make ‘em. Mustard oil always reminds me of Holi and how mom used to splatter and rub lots of it from our faces and down till our toes so that the colours may come off easily. And the dreadful session when she would use pumice stone and all sorts of things to remove the colour off our multicoloured bodies. And believe me, my mom is not the gentle sorts. (I love mom. I would have paused to go hug her but she is dead asleep) Remind me why I used to play Holi and get myself bullied and targeted and coloured every year? You’d think I’d learn from one year’s experience but I would be as excited to play it every time; all ready and armed with my most advanced pichkaari.
Sigh, those were the days. Okay I sound like an old hag. For the moment, there is one song playing on loop. It goes so well with my mood right now. Evanescence’s 'My Immortal'. It’s beautiful. Sigh.
Calvin: It's not fair!
Mom: Life is unfair Calvin.
Calvin: I know but why can't it be unfair in my favour?!
I need a hug :\