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Thursday, March 29, 2012

Wind of Change


So, it's happening :)
It's finally, actually happening. I'm going to Pune.
This is one of those moments when I don't even know if it's real or not. When it's so big that you've to keep questioning yourself "Is it really happening?" "Is it?" "Wait, really?" When it's so new and exciting and frightening that you don't quite believe it. It's like I can smell it in the air. The change. 

The first, real, big change. I'll live in a different city. I will live away from mom and dad, away from the house I grew up in, away from my family. I'm finally, breaking away :)
Am I? Really? See? Here I go again.

I wanted to wait before writing this post. There are over two months before I go there, (and I have to give a gazillion exams and pass them) but I can't help it. Like I said, I can smell it. And I can feel it. Almost like I can touch it. My fingertips are tingling. I can feel a yawning chasm slowly expanding inside my body. I'll bid farewell to the place where I spent 21 years of my life? Mummy? Papa? Baba and dadi? All my relatives? My friends? 

I'll live in a world where my friends will be my family. I'll live on a hill. I'll live with a roommate. I'll live in a different world. I'll have different sights and smells and people and places and moments and memories and incidents and experiences. There is a little chance that I might end up in Delhi. But I'll still live in a hostel :) I'll sail away from home, never to come back again. (Of course I'll come during the vacations. I just mean I'll be out for good) Am I really, really moving out? Of home? :O I'll live on my own? I'll wash my clothes and iron them? I'll withdraw money from the ATM and take care of it and learn to spend it wisely? :O 

I'm ready to face it. To experience a whole new universe and to write a whole new chapter in the book of life. Or am I? :O

I keep getting reminded of this song by the Scorpions.

"Take me to the magic of the moment,
On a glory night.
Where the children of tomorrow dream away,
In the wind of change."

And I can feel it. The wind of change, blowing straight into the face of time. 
And this time it’s blowing for me :’)

Monday, March 26, 2012

Love thyself.

Amongst the innumerable things that I miss about school is one of my History teachers Sister Dorothea. She is an expressive, passionate, awesome lady. Many students used to think of her as a nutbag because she used to come across as too strong and sometimes very strict in an insane sort of way. But I always had this respect for her in my heart. One of the things that she repeatedly used to say out loud with a lot of gusto and voice modulations in class used to be “Man is born selfish from his mother’s womb!” She would say it with such passion and expression that we wouldn’t be able to stop ourselves from giggling or rolling our eyes; but the words are still stuck with me today.

Yes, man is selfish. Each and every one of us is. And it’s not a bad thing; it’s just how we are made. It’s deep-rooted, embedded in our systems. No matter what we do, ultimately, somehow, in some direct or indirect way, we are doing it only for ourselves. “What’s in it for me?” is always our first question. Anything and everything we do, we try to see if we’re any sort of gainers in the whole process. If not, we’re probably not very interested. In love, are you? Well, it’s you you’re more in love with. You only love the person because he/she makes you feel good. You want that feeling, you want that happiness. Loving someone has got to be one of the most selfish things we indulge ourselves in.

Consider people who help the poor people or who give handsome amounts of money to charity. Seems so noble. So honourable. But they are simply doing it because it gives them the contentment, the satisfaction of making someone’s lives a little better. It gives them a kick. For all you know, it gives a similar kind of kick to them that some people get out of gambling.

Osho says that being selfish is simply being yourself. The word has been condemned too much, but actually, it’s a beautiful word. “Don’t consider anybody else in the world, just consider yourself; and in that very consideration, you would have considered the whole world.” You need to love yourself in order to love anybody else. Two people loving each other without having a similar feeling for themselves is similar to two beggars begging from each other.

There was something that our teacher said in our Organizational Behaviour lecture in college which really made me think. While discussing ‘motivation’, and what really motivates someone to help others, she said “Suppose there are two best friends X and Y, who work in different companies and X is desperate to quit her job and join Y’s company, Y would go out of her way to help her best friend, right? Would she do that because she is her best friend? She might think so. But subconsciously, she’s doing it because empowering her best friend will give her a sense of power. She will get the satisfaction of changing her friend’s life. Is will be a purely selfish act.”

Wow. Jerks you back into reality, doesn’t it? Well, I had been fretting over the fact that everyone is self-centred and mean and egoistical, but you know what? It’s really okay. So am I. It’s okay to be looking out for yourselves, to think of benefitting yourself. If everyone is busy doing that, there shouldn’t be anyone to complain about.

So actually, K3G style, it’s all just really about loving yourself

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Suspended


I sit back in silence and watch the particles of dust sparkling and swirling in the ray of sunlight entering through my window. Meandering aimlessly, suspended in the air, as if not being able to make their mind up.. looking for answers, fighting with themselves. I look at them, transfixed, trying to find the answers to my own questions. I try to dig deep within my soul. What do I want? What do the others want from me? Strangely though, the only thing that comes to mind is.. nothingness. A strange, hollow, uncomfortable feeling which makes you numb. It makes you feel like the world is moving around you, while you are stuck. You are stuck into infinity, and waiting for some kind of emotion to engulf you. What if, right now, right this moment, the world comes to an end? Would anything matter anymore? Absurd though it may sound, the idea doesn't particularly horrify me. 

Thursday, March 15, 2012

"Even death has a heart."


Here is a small fact: You are going to die.

Reading this written in such an offhand way is quite unsettling, isn’t it? Well, maybe death won’t seem so brutal once you read The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. The credit goes to En, for recommending it to me and Chee, for sending it to me, very promptly I should add, as a complete surprise.

What intrigued me the most was when I got to know that the entire story has been narrated by Death. It is set in Nazi Germany, where death was very busy and tired. One line that stuck with me was when death says “I am not violent or malicious. I am just a result.” Wow. That is so profound. Death is what happens to us, after all the bad stuff has already happened. It’s when our soul is finally at peace. Death isn’t evil. It is only a consequence. Most people dread it, but probably every one reaches that stage in life when they wait for it to finally embrace them. Where the soul sits up and welcomes it with a smile. The song "I'll fly away" comes to mind at this point:

"When the shadows of this life have gone, I'll fly away,
Like a bird from it's prison bars has flown, I'll fly away"

I loved how the author shaped the characters. I loved how he exposed the kindness and the brutality humans are capable of. Because that’s what makes them who they are. Humans. It was beautiful how he played with words, and shuffled between the past, present and the future. It’s like he put them onto a gargantuan palette and mingled and mixed all the colours together, to bring to life an enthralling picture on the canvas, made of contrasting hues. Red with yellow. Black with white.

I wish I could write like that. I hope to, some day. Writing that would move someone to tears. Mixing beauty and destruction together with tragedy and love. 


“I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.”
-Liesel Meminger.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Back after two (almost) life changing events!



"God gave women intuition and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met." - Farrah Fawcett.

Happy Women’s Day! Love and best wishes to all the beautiful women in my life who make it so colourful and shrill and exciting! :D I received my first ever Women's day gift today. Flowers from a close friend! Red and white and pink roses! :D

It’s so good to write finally, after AGES. It also feels great to be so wonderfully busy that you don’t get time to read or write or chat. I went to Pune to give my interview. I love that place! And I went ALL ALONE for the first time! My dad left me at the airport and then I did everything ALL by myself.

:|

Hey, what?! It was a big thing for me okay?! BIG! I felt so important standing in the queues alone without anyone telling me what to do. I pretended like I do that every day. I met strange people on the flight, even met creeps who stared at me, stayed at an amazingly warm lady’s place, played with her adorable 4-year-old daughter, got dressed, gave my own self a nice pep talk and reached the college before time. It is situated on a hill and the campus is breathtakingly beautiful. It is surrounded by valleys and lush greenery and at sunset the sky turns orange and pink. I interacted with the students and the applicants and was thoroughly impressed by some of them. I enjoyed the written test and the personal interview. I don’t know what had come over me. I had hardly slept or eaten anything, but how I talked! The panel looked at me while I divulged into detailed answers to all their questions. I knew they were impressed. I got a good score too! I don’t know why I got a low score in the written. Well, I’m still awaiting my final result. But all in all, I had an amazing experience.

Oh and my sister’s wedding! Now I know how you feel after an event like this. First of all, I keep forgetting that she’s actually married. That she’s a wife. And has a husband! *gasp!* The wedding couldn’t have been better. We all ate, danced, sang, laughed, talked, went crazy. It was smooth and big and pretty. And didoo looked beautiful and it was weird watching her sitting on the stage. Usually, it used to be us standing in some remote corner in other people’s weddings and making fun of people. And I received overwhelming compliments about my hair and dress and everything. It was awesome.

And now I’m trying to settle back into my normal routine but I feel hung over. I don’t feel like getting out of my bed or doing anything whatsoever. It’s called “putting NED”. Chee shared this with me. Some IIT guy coined this term. It means “no enthu da”. It’s the state when you don’t have the enthusiasm to do anything; in fact, you don’t even feel like doing nothing. So yea, I’ve been putting lots of NED. Except that I watched Tangled, and The Darjeeling Limited. I loved both. Rapunzel reminded me of myself and The Darjeeling Ltd. was just so ..outlandish! It’s filmed in India and has shown it in its truest and most honest way. You’ll fall in love with the music and the scenes. Irfan Khan was a surprise!

Now I’m thinking of reading a book. Or maybe sleeping. Yes, sleeping. Although that’s all I’ve done most of the day. It still sounds extremely promising.

P.S. I love all my followers.

:* This is for you all :)